Why Are The Teeth Falling Off One By One?

I don't know what's wrong with today but everybody forgot to lock their doors.

It's morning;; and for some reason I don't feel a bit sleepy and as wide awake as someone who had just drank tins of Redbull. I walked from the first floor to the second floor;; and wished that something epic will happen to me.

Like for some reason the stairs will lead me to a long unlit corridor lined with antique-framed pictures. Or it will lead me to one of the tippy tops of the KLCC tower.

Or even I will find a cat's dead body.

Just something.

Anything.

You might wonder where I am actually and why I am feeling so melancholy all of a sudden.

As usual;; I spent the night before at Sakan Yarmouk;; and found out that I don't like coming here anymore.

Is it because of boredom?

Or is it because of the lack of interaction between us?

As I lay down on the armrests of two sofas (because I'm tall haha) at Shu-san's house;; playing a game that requires me to connect all the colorful pipes to fill all the space in the square so that no grid was left out;; I thought of all the times we had spent together.

We used to cook together;; all of us shrieking and laughing and just being plain loud when the oil pops when a drop of water found it's way in there.

We used to message each other in the middle of a program talking about that JUST (Jordan University of Science and Technology) senior that's short but have the smoothest skin a guy can have.

We used to go to Balad (it's a place that is no different than Jalan TAR in Malaysia;; where you can buy nearly ANYTHING for cheap) together;; hopping on two taxis because we can't possibly squeeze eight people in one yellow cab can we??

We used to walk to Arabella Mall together;; singing Celine Dion's popular song for Titanic when the wind blasts around us.

We used to pester our mentors to go to Sakan Paradise (Or like the Arabs pronounce it;; Baradise) where we can swim and I can laugh at the others while their lips tremble as they flailed their arms and legs in under white styrofoam floats.

We USED to.

I had never felt this close knitted in a group before.

If I saw them this morning and something came up so I can't see them till this evening;; I would miss them. Honestly I feel like they are my sisters;; their names etched in my heart.

I never thought about forever.

I thought that forever is a written rule;; not a right.

I never thought that we could grow this far apart when we see each other every day;; and I find out that the reason I have been coming here everyday had changed.

Now it's not because I enjoyed their company anymore. It's more like I hope I will enjoy their company.

Our little group is more like units in a company now. Everyone have their own little cubicles separated by boring grey screens.

Now when I come here I don't feel like a log among many;; more like I'm an owner to a bowl full of pretty little gold fishes and I had just gone to the kitchen for a while and when I returned;; saw that the little gold fishes are gone;; but what remain are cute turtles swimming on the surface.

I felt left out and a stranger among a group of old friends. It's like I'm Harry Potter when he was sucked into Tom Riddle's diary:: a spectator;; more than that random person who can't even get a ticket into the stadium;; but less than the janitor even;; who get to participate and contribute even if in the smallest manner possible.

I feel as if no one notices me now.

Aloya-chan have that guy;; Goku Son (It's his facebook name by the way. For the life of me I have no intention whatsoever to know his real name) calling her every night.

Aira-chan have the most wonderful 'friendship' with Kimi;; someone from our BTN;; calling her a couple of times a day to talk about her other friend Muhsin;; who had been bugging her  about the reason she have been avoiding his calls. (More or less. It's a long and complicated story;; as it is usually when it involves guys and handphones.)

Hani-chan;; I have no real problems with her;; mainly because she's so honest that it's funny;; but she isn't the touchy feely type like I am. So I can't hug her without a reason.

Seha-chan;; I just don't talk with her enough;; and she's the type that have an annoyingly wide knowledge and loves to hear her own voice. Which is good;; but I can be a bad person somotimes.

Shu-san;; she likes to take whatever that's in my hand. Like this morning when we were having our sahur. Hani-chan passed a cup of tea to me (I was wondering where is the wrong in 'a glass of tea';; and figured that I should have used 'cup' instead of 'glass');; and I was staring into space when it was snatched from my hand and gulped down. I complained but she didn't relize that I meant it.

Syud-chan;; she likes to run away when we start talking about important things. She's rarely serious;; except when it involves safety or justice (she used to like the idea of being a Syariah lawyer).

And Am-chan... Is still the same. Still closer to the seniors than to us. Still got up right after she finished eating and just vanish;; not even pretending to ask if we need any help with the dishes. What stressed me out is she have the lightest bones (literally translated from a malay idiom;; 'ringan tulang';; which literally means 'light bones';; which basically mean that someone is very charitable in terms of giving a hand to somebody) when she are in the company of the said seniors. She would help with the dishes;; with the cooking...

And I sound mean.

Maybe I should just stop moaning and start realizing that I'm alone in this world.

I know that friendship needs effort;; any kind of relationship really;; but lately I feel like I'm the only one that cares.

I come here all the time. I used to not care;;but now I do since my presence is by large being ignored.

I have decided to stop coming here after class.

My heart had just jumped back in;; and I'm locking the door behind it and putting up the latch;; I'm sick of feeling vulnerable like this.

Assalamualaikum peepers and stalkers :B