I suck as a student

Hey blog. It's been a while isn't it?

I have been keeping busy with internal struggles and going through life, and also denying myself the chance of self-improvement by not writing at all (which gives me zero chance to self reflect).

Today I feel like I had just carved an irreversible dent in my personal history because of my overconfidence. I am basically Ironman but without the intelligent bit. Too overconfident for my own good and too proud to actually get help (not to mention broke).

So really, I'm more the stereotypical douche type in rom coms that's no good and need alot of fixing upping. Move over Kristoff, there's new contestant in town.

With my tendency to exaggerate things, I understand if you guys think I'm being 'over'; as Syedah said with an alarmed look. I'm totally not though.

While I was answering my test I kept thinking I don't have enough ass to pull answers out of; I'll need an army of asses to fill at least a half of my answer sheet.

I felt even more pathetic when I glanced at Syedah's answer sheet and actually saw legit points that we went through yesterday together on the floor of her room, with Yana and Eton. 

And when I walked out. Eton and her were discussing about the answers like they had already studied all night before, which they actually did.

Well, now I know how left out a deaf feels when being at a party.

The conclusion is, I suck as a student so much that I would probably suck at everything else either. But hey, my parents are obliged to love me right?

Cheers to that.

Still up

It's not that I can't sleep;; the drowsiness is actually setting in quite smugly and my eyes are begging me to let them close;; but I have got an EXAM tomorrow.

EXAM!!!

So why the HELL am I still up at 2.00 in the morning;; watching random videos in Youtube?

I don't know why I'm not taking this seriously;; granted it's not a University exam and it's not going to affect my degree or anything really epic;; but I paid for these Tajweed classes!

Well not my money really;; but my parents' money.

Maybe that's the reason?

Or maybe I'm just plain lazy.

Accents

Assalamualaikum peepers and stalkers

Today I want to talk about accents.

To everyone who know me out there;; there’s a question that had been running inside my mind since yesterday::

Do I have a weird accent?

This all came about because yesterday Shu-san said to me that my Tajweed teacher said that I have a weird accent and asked her if  all of us are from the same districts.

Hahahaha so maybe you’ll be like;; “What the hell is she walking about?!”

So let me explain;; for us first-year Malaysian students in Irbid;; Jordan;; it’s mandatory for us to take a semester-long Arabic language course. Well;; for those who did not pass the test in the beginning of the first semester that determine whether or not we got a place in the Language Centre in the University;; WE have free time in the mornings. Because we had only paid for two subjects for our first year;; and those two are both after Zuhr.

Most of us decided to attend outside classes to better our grip at the Arabic language;; because it’s such a hard language to master;; even more so when we don’t really use it among ourselves. We only use it with Arabs;; since they are very proud of their language;; and most of them don’t really have good English.

Apart from extra classes for my Arabic;; I also take classes to  better my Tajweed. 

Now what is Tajweed?

 Tajweed is basically the right way to read Quran.

The lessons were so interesting! You know how most languages have different alphabets and different pronounciations? Well in Tajweed we learn how to pronounce the alphabets;; since most foreigners find it hard to do that in the right way. There are alphabets that comes out from your nose;; or your mouth;; and … It’s actually quite hard to explain.

I love my Tajweed teacher. She always seems to notice me and never fails to look at me at every few minutes when she is in the middle of explaining things to us. I feel like I want to do better because she was so … dedicated to teaching us!

Yesterday we went to a kinda book sale after class;; and that’s when she asked Shu-san that question.

Shu-san was curious and had told me that she asked our teacher what kind of accent she was talking about;; or rather;; which one?

Is my Malay accent weird?

Or I just sound funny when I attempt to speak Arabic?

To both questions my teacher –ooooooh I forgot to tell you guys her name-;; Miss Reem;; (she gave us her facebook name a awhile before and I haven’t sent a request to her yet.) said no.

I had been bloody curious since yesterday! Though not really to the point that I would ask her myself;; I’m afraid I would come across as disrespectful.

….Which doesn’t makes sense but for some reason it’s logic to me.

But why???????

Because since I was little my parents had been teasing me about my accent.

“Just hear her say ‘r’.”

“Oooooh even when she speaks Malay she sounds awkward.”

I used to be embarrassed;; I don’t know what I used to sound like;; but at some point I started trying to speak English in a Malaysian Accent;; but some people still say that I sound British.

Even when I used ‘dude’ instead of ‘mate’;; and saying ‘I can’t find my pants’ instead of ‘have you seen my trousers?’;; and I use ‘corridors’ not ‘hallways’.

Like that girl I met when I was in Form 3 and working for my aunt at a kinda booth in a shopping mall (hardly classified information;; I just can’t remember which one);; she’s a foreigner and doesn’t look like she can speak any coherent Malay;; so I asked her in English;; “Anything I can help you with?’

And we ended up chatting and she told me about her school and we have had lunch together and yadda yadda yadda. Then she told me matter-of-factly;; “You have a British accent you know that?”

I was surprised since I was adopting American terms at the time.

There’s also this guy in my Accounts class that isn’t my friend at all;; but kept giving me glances as if saying “I’ve talked to you once or twice NOW should be your turn to say something to ME”. It’s pretty embarrassing and made me feel flustered;; and I kept avoiding sitting anywhere near him because I don’t want to feel his eyes burning holes into the side of my head.

Anyway there was this one day that I sat behind him;; and he suddenly turned around in his seat and asked me;; “Why do you have a British accent?”

Did I say that he makes me feel flustered? Yes? I’m gonna tell you again that I was feeling REALLY embarrassed at the time;; I mean who is he to treat me as a friend and suddenly talking to me like we talk everyday when we bump in the hallways??

My answer came out all messed-up;; “Uhh because- that’s-“ Here I shrugged my shoulders “-how we were taught… in Malaysia” I don’t know why I was nodding at the time;; and I pretended to look elsewhere and just ignored him after.

He turned back to the front eventually;; after staring at me to a close one minute.

Now;; not just strangers notice that;; apparently my friends do too.

“I hate how when you’re talking in Malay you sound like you’re speaking in English.”

Not just my English accent;; mind.

My Malay accent too.

“What you said again?”

“Why did you say that like that?”

“I can hardly understand what you’re saying.”

Annnddddd my Arabic.

“I noticed the way you said this alphabet is different.”

“You don’t have to say it like that!”

=,=;

I mean I have a perfect set of teeth;; and my throat doesn’t have any kind of imperfections that stop me from pronouncing certain alphabets;; for example some people can’t pronounce ‘r’ and ‘s’ right;; but I can! Splendidly well;; just like normal people.

So why when I speak people will often stare at me like I’m some kind of alien? And afterwards will come the comment about my accent and what not.

Gehh…

Next time somebody ask me about my accent;; I’ll say “It’s called a Damia accent because I’m the only one that have this accent. Case closed.”

The end.

This certainly is nothing like a fairytale ending;; but I hope my conclusion satisfies your needs.

Thank you for reading folks!

Why Are The Teeth Falling Off One By One?

I don't know what's wrong with today but everybody forgot to lock their doors.

It's morning;; and for some reason I don't feel a bit sleepy and as wide awake as someone who had just drank tins of Redbull. I walked from the first floor to the second floor;; and wished that something epic will happen to me.

Like for some reason the stairs will lead me to a long unlit corridor lined with antique-framed pictures. Or it will lead me to one of the tippy tops of the KLCC tower.

Or even I will find a cat's dead body.

Just something.

Anything.

You might wonder where I am actually and why I am feeling so melancholy all of a sudden.

As usual;; I spent the night before at Sakan Yarmouk;; and found out that I don't like coming here anymore.

Is it because of boredom?

Or is it because of the lack of interaction between us?

As I lay down on the armrests of two sofas (because I'm tall haha) at Shu-san's house;; playing a game that requires me to connect all the colorful pipes to fill all the space in the square so that no grid was left out;; I thought of all the times we had spent together.

We used to cook together;; all of us shrieking and laughing and just being plain loud when the oil pops when a drop of water found it's way in there.

We used to message each other in the middle of a program talking about that JUST (Jordan University of Science and Technology) senior that's short but have the smoothest skin a guy can have.

We used to go to Balad (it's a place that is no different than Jalan TAR in Malaysia;; where you can buy nearly ANYTHING for cheap) together;; hopping on two taxis because we can't possibly squeeze eight people in one yellow cab can we??

We used to walk to Arabella Mall together;; singing Celine Dion's popular song for Titanic when the wind blasts around us.

We used to pester our mentors to go to Sakan Paradise (Or like the Arabs pronounce it;; Baradise) where we can swim and I can laugh at the others while their lips tremble as they flailed their arms and legs in under white styrofoam floats.

We USED to.

I had never felt this close knitted in a group before.

If I saw them this morning and something came up so I can't see them till this evening;; I would miss them. Honestly I feel like they are my sisters;; their names etched in my heart.

I never thought about forever.

I thought that forever is a written rule;; not a right.

I never thought that we could grow this far apart when we see each other every day;; and I find out that the reason I have been coming here everyday had changed.

Now it's not because I enjoyed their company anymore. It's more like I hope I will enjoy their company.

Our little group is more like units in a company now. Everyone have their own little cubicles separated by boring grey screens.

Now when I come here I don't feel like a log among many;; more like I'm an owner to a bowl full of pretty little gold fishes and I had just gone to the kitchen for a while and when I returned;; saw that the little gold fishes are gone;; but what remain are cute turtles swimming on the surface.

I felt left out and a stranger among a group of old friends. It's like I'm Harry Potter when he was sucked into Tom Riddle's diary:: a spectator;; more than that random person who can't even get a ticket into the stadium;; but less than the janitor even;; who get to participate and contribute even if in the smallest manner possible.

I feel as if no one notices me now.

Aloya-chan have that guy;; Goku Son (It's his facebook name by the way. For the life of me I have no intention whatsoever to know his real name) calling her every night.

Aira-chan have the most wonderful 'friendship' with Kimi;; someone from our BTN;; calling her a couple of times a day to talk about her other friend Muhsin;; who had been bugging her  about the reason she have been avoiding his calls. (More or less. It's a long and complicated story;; as it is usually when it involves guys and handphones.)

Hani-chan;; I have no real problems with her;; mainly because she's so honest that it's funny;; but she isn't the touchy feely type like I am. So I can't hug her without a reason.

Seha-chan;; I just don't talk with her enough;; and she's the type that have an annoyingly wide knowledge and loves to hear her own voice. Which is good;; but I can be a bad person somotimes.

Shu-san;; she likes to take whatever that's in my hand. Like this morning when we were having our sahur. Hani-chan passed a cup of tea to me (I was wondering where is the wrong in 'a glass of tea';; and figured that I should have used 'cup' instead of 'glass');; and I was staring into space when it was snatched from my hand and gulped down. I complained but she didn't relize that I meant it.

Syud-chan;; she likes to run away when we start talking about important things. She's rarely serious;; except when it involves safety or justice (she used to like the idea of being a Syariah lawyer).

And Am-chan... Is still the same. Still closer to the seniors than to us. Still got up right after she finished eating and just vanish;; not even pretending to ask if we need any help with the dishes. What stressed me out is she have the lightest bones (literally translated from a malay idiom;; 'ringan tulang';; which literally means 'light bones';; which basically mean that someone is very charitable in terms of giving a hand to somebody) when she are in the company of the said seniors. She would help with the dishes;; with the cooking...

And I sound mean.

Maybe I should just stop moaning and start realizing that I'm alone in this world.

I know that friendship needs effort;; any kind of relationship really;; but lately I feel like I'm the only one that cares.

I come here all the time. I used to not care;;but now I do since my presence is by large being ignored.

I have decided to stop coming here after class.

My heart had just jumped back in;; and I'm locking the door behind it and putting up the latch;; I'm sick of feeling vulnerable like this.

Assalamualaikum peepers and stalkers :B

When 'Us' Is Just Too Much

My room is on the top floor of this yellow building that we Malaysian students lovingly refer to as Sakan Kuning (The Yellow Hostel). My study desk stood between my bed that is pushed against one side of the wall and my roommate’s study desk;; facing the window that I love and hate at the same time since this is where the wind comes in but there’s another building that’s directly in front of mine so I have to be verrryyyy careful at night when I turn on the lights.

For me there is an invisible line drawn to divide the room into two sections;; one section belongs to me and the other belongs to my Kelantanese roommate. Let’s just call her Ami.

Last time I slept here (which was around two days ago. Don’t ask me why I’m not always sleeping here;; it involves the insanity and ambiguity that we all call feelings);; I actually ironed my pillow cloth so that it isn't all wrinkly before I walk out of the door. That also applies to my bed sheets. I’m hardly a perfectionist and I’m far from being a clean freak. But I made efforts to sweep the section of purple carpet that belongs to me;; and smooth-en my bed when it’s bed time.

I didn't ever slept on Ami’s bed;; that’s an atrocity that I’m ashamed of doing.

I love the term ‘my’.

My bed.

My gingerbread head pillow.

My pillow case.

My study desk.

My slippers.

My section of the room.

My space.

My privacy.

My rights.

These are all the things that I deemed I have the right to call ‘mine’. Not ‘ours’. And definitely not ‘yours’.

When it comes to ownership rights if you want to borrow or use or sometimes even look at it;; you’ll have to offer something. For example;; money;; assets;; or I don’t care;; anything. Even an apology for having the audacity to borrow a thing of someone else’s would suffice. Why? This is a stupid question because I presume everyone knows the answer.

Because it’s not freaking yours to do as you freaking please you dumbrain. I’m eighteen and I am trying very hard to act mature and not curse everything and everyone that annoys me;; but I think I’m making little progress it seems.

That’s because Ami just lovesssss to test my patience. I have heard somewhere from the grapevine that Kelantanese people practice cronyism faithfully. 

What is cronyism? Basically it’s the spirit of togetherness. 

Simply put;; this sentence explained everything PERFECTLY:: “What's mine is yours and what’s yours is mine.

Why am I so pissed at Ami and why did I accuse her as being almost religiously faithful to the concept of cronyism?

Why??

ONE

I have wrote before about the water condition in Jordan. Because of its lack of water source;; we have to use chlorinated water. It’s like going for a swim in the swimming pool every day.

….

Okay I’m over-exaggerating I so did not bath every day. Even when I want to;; I wouldn't because whenever I want to do it a feeling would creep from the depths of my stomach and crawl up the back of my spine and stay in my throat;; sticking around until I gave up the idea of taking a shower every day.

Yep;; you guessed it. It’s guilt.

Living here for a month now had taught me to value water as if there would be only one glass worth a day. Because it CAN disappear the next day.

And when it does;; it would take days for it to reappear. I don’t know what’s the problem about our water tanks;; but I am definitely not lying about it taking days to arrive into our personal little water tank in the bathroom.

I mean;; come on;; this is the dessert! She barely have any rivers;; and the only beach Jordan have is Aqabah;; and sea water can’t be used for domestic use because of its high salt content. I’ve been there;; and it’s freaking hot. My senior said it’s even hot in the winter. Imagine! We Malaysians;; whenever someone use the term ‘winter’;; we pictured postcard perfect cabin houses buried knee deep in snow as white as Snow White’s skin.

So I’m not here to debate about the whiteness of Snow White’s skin or whether or not she was being immoral because she lived with seven men;; yes;; dwarves ;; but men nonetheless;; but to ramble about the water situation here in Jordan.

Some days when I wake up there will be water coming out from the pipes. Some days there’s not even a drop. That’s why most of us will accumulate water and keep them in bottles or basins (Hell;; my English vocabulary is going to HELLLLLLLL).

Now the day before yesterday I slept at Sakan Yarmouk;; because my friends live there. Before I went out I made sure to put the basin under the tap and make sure it was full before I got my key from my pocket and locked the door to my room.

I am very particular about locks and keys;; I don’t know why.

Anyway when I came back the next day I was beyond pissed when I opened the bathroom door to see that the basin is freaking EMPTY. WHO had used up all the water? I KNOW that Ami had a lot of friends;; and she is the type that is over-generous. Even when it comes to the things that she have to share with another person.

The thing that made me go berserk and started screaming in the solitude of my room is when I turned the tap and found out that – TADAAAAAAA – no water.

It was pure LUCK that Ami was not at home.

She would definitely suffer from verbal abuse if she was there at the time.

Imagine;; (okay I am definitely not proud to disclose about this classified information) I was sweaty and smelly from walking and had not showered for THREE DAYS;; I came home expecting gushing water and being able to enjoy the sensation of soap on my skin and wearing new clothes smelling like apples and bananas and papayas and every known sweet smelling thing in the history of  mankind;; only to stare at the tap willing it to vomit water and wishing desperately that I have the power to change everything of mine;; my bag;; my books;; my skin lotion;; my cotton buds;; my bed;; my pillows;; EVERYTHING;; into water.

I wish my tears can fill up that basin…

TWO

As I said;; before I went out the day before yesterday I ironed my bed sheets and pillow cloth because I don’t know why I suddenly care about the wrinkles they are wearing.

The point is;; for once in my life;; I was willing to follow the hygiene standards of normal people and ignore my own standards. I was being oddly docile.

I made sure the pillows were placed carefully at the head of my bed;; my bed sheet was smoothed out and my blanket was folded in the proper way so that it would drape all the way to the other side and look hotel-ly.

But guess what had happened when I arrived home the next day?

My gingerbread man pillow was on the purple carpeted floor;; looking as if it was thrown from the bed when someone laid on it;; or someone used it as she lied on the carpet and had got up and left it there to go somewhere else. My pillow’s clothe was half on;; and half off. My bed sheet was all wrinkly and loose.

And my temper was skyrocketing by the record time of a few seconds.

Who wouldn't get pissed off??

I didn't remember ever saying that my bed is off-limits;; but have some respect!

Ami’s friends live next door;; and some days I know for a fact that they slept in my room. Because as I said;; I am not always home so Ami gets lonely (at least I think that’s the case). When they do;; some of them will sleep on my bed because both of our beds are single beds that are narrow and only can fit in two teenage girls lying side by side. Even then it’s cramped.

I didn't put up a sign that said “NO LYING ON MY BED.”

I didn't set up traps or bombs around the perimeter of my bed.

I definitely did not put bars around it that can only be opened by entering a super complicated password that involves the mathematical formula that proves that we are not alone in this world and yes;; aliens do exist.

My bed cannot be labeled as public territory;; but I welcome anyone that wants to use it.

As long as I know who uses it.

As long as she folds my blanket and doesn't carelessly hang it on my chair.

As long as my gingerbread man’s round head pillow stays on the bed;; in its destined position;; right side up where I can see his creepy thick lips smeared with red lipstick smiling at me with his pupil less eyes;; not on the floor;; in a position that can only be called digging a hole with the redness of his sexy lips.

As long as you treat me and my things with RESPECT I have no problem whatsoever.

Heck;; you can even come bring your bed and put it side by side by mine as long as you RESPECT what’s mine and know where to draw the line between being friendly and being rude.

THREE

Do you know what it feels like when you want to wear that certain shirt that you really want to wear today because;; you don’t really know why but at that time;; on that day;; you suddenly feel the need to wear it no matter what happens?

Did what I said make any sense to you my dear readers?

Let me rephrase that question.

Have you ever woke up one day and realized;; as you lie on that bed that you have graced with your saliva from when you were sleeping;; that today is the day that I will eat Lontong Johor? Or I wish that my mom knows how to cook tomyam? Or let’s sembelih a deer because I’m having cravings for it’s meat?

Have you? You have;; right?

I believe every human being on this planet will wake up to this conclusion at some point in their lives. It’s 

proven.

Well;; I had high expectations when I was standing outside the door of my room.

I expect the room to be neat and clean and my pair of slippers that I bought in وسط البلد;; (please copy and google translate HAHAHAHA) for 1 JD;; to be neatly arranged before the doorway;; ready to use.

But nehi he.

It’s not there.

Actually that has been occurring fairly disturbingly nearly always lately;; that I dare say that I am a master at frowning whenever my eyes search for my cheap slippers at the doorway.

Okay. I’m actually used to the fact that Ami like to use them because she doesn't have a pair of her own;; so I decided that I don’t have to be over dramatic and let it slide.

I walked in and sit on the carpet (we don’t have sofas or cushions which is a pity. I would love to see how many of Ami’s friends she’ll squeeze into our room every night to sleep together.);; pull off both of my socks and finallllyyyy noticed something critical.

We have tvs actually. What I mean in ‘we’ is we;; Sakan Kuning live-ins;; have a tv in our rooms. Some have channels. Others find themselves staring at black and white static scenery when the ‘tit’ the on button.

Well anyway;; our tv was on a little plastic table. Which under it I arranged my water boiler;; my iron and my rice cooker.

I was a in the mood of spreading the love and doing a good deed and making the world a better place by cooking the rice for lunch for my roommate and I when I opened the cover to find myself staring at the interior of the rice cooker.

Do I really have to write my name in BOLD CAPITALS on all of my things?

I can’t believe my neighbor has THE GALL to take my rice pot and put it permanently in their room!

Yeah;; I didn't come home often but that doesn't mean you have permission to use my things without asking first.

Because;; in my defense;; those are still MY things so you don’t have ANY right to treat it as anything other than MY stuff and NOT yours.

Is my ambition too high?

I did not dreamt of coming home to find my single bed transformed to a canopied king- sized bed with silk bed sheets with golden linings.

I did not wish to see my wardrobe to vanish and in its place a walk-in.

I did not ask for my study desk to be transformed into Nobita’s so I can open a drawer and hop in to ride the time travel machine.

I want to come home to find my things neatly in place where I put them.

I want the place that I will be living in for a year to be deemed safe for me to keep my things and where I can retain a bit of privacy.

I want a place that I can relax and not worry and generally getting pissed off when someone uses MY stuff and not return it.

I want a generally peaceful life where everyone respects each other and the room opposite from mine would bake heavenly smelling cookies and give a plate to every room on the same corridor;; wearing a homely apron and cheeks red from being too long sticking her head in the oven. Yes;; straight from an Enid Blyton’s novel.

I want to live in a community where I can trust my neighbor to bring in the laundry when the sky looks like it’s about to cry.

… Not that there’s any rain here;; except when it’s nearly winter. Then it will rain. My seniors said it’s the mark of the changing of the two of the most noticeable seasons in Jordan.

Anyway….

I really need to discuss all of these things with my roommate.

Contrary to what most people thought about me;; I’m actually a very forgiving person and I don’t like to fight or quarrel or participate in a cold war with anybody.

I will definitely show my displeasure to Ami so that we can live together peacefully and without problems.

I hope that I will learn something from this experience;; and I pray that my blog’s number of views will go up.

I always say this at the beginning of my posts;; but this time I will say it at the end.

Assalamualaikum peepers and stalkers :D

Reign Your Ego In Please

No matter how good you think you are at something;; you can never stop revising that 'something' because humans are a weird bunch. They remember the most unimportant things but sometimes forgot the most crucial.

I thought I'm good at English. I thought just reading some sappy teenage hormone-driven stories would be enough for me to act as my English language revision. Like most times;; I was wrong this time.

I was being too cocky and too full of myself. I thought everybody should kiss the ground that I walk on;; and shout my name in admiration and always seek me whenever. What a narcissist I am right?

So this is my punishment. Day by day;; my English language skills deteriorating. I felt ashamed to myself and I must admit;; a little bit scared. Cautious is not one of the words that came to mind when somebody was  asked to describe my personality. And I am certain I am never the analytical thinker.

 That's why I can never make a living off of playing in chess tournaments. I think I'll just waste my time by doing that.

Right now I know that I'm a good English essayer and a better English speaker. So what I don't speak like Shakespeare reincarnated? At least my accent's clear and people can understand what I'm saying.

But why can't I paste a few simple words together when that Arabic pakcik spoke to us in English.

 Suddenly I felt a feeling that I haven't felt in a while when it comes to speaking with people in English.
I felt afraid;; I felt intimidated;; I felt my self-confident waver and leaving in my wake the very loud sound of my heartbeats. It's like waking up from a dream where there are streams of rainbows and we can eat unicorns' horns if we want horns ourselves;; to the harsh reality and realization that no;; rainbows cannot be drank and eating horns is about as similar as biting your fingernails which is fisgusting.

Suddenly I realized;; my English sucked. Worse;; it's sucking. I mean;; it's continuing to suck. Why did I let this happen to me? I used to read a lot. That's why I almost never study for English exams because I believe I studied all the time.

At that time I just let another friend of mine to do the English talking. Where is the lioness I useed to be and why is there a black lamb in it's place? Cowering like a coward;; and didn't even have courage to stutter broken English in front of an English speaker. I really need to realize these things earlier.

I don't want to gain new things but at the same time lost my old knowledge. I don't want to trade anything for myu intelligence;; because I know that is the price for other people's respect.

The conclusion of my un-introed ramblings?

I should revise more often.

HAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAAHHAHA

I love short and simple conclusions the most.

Muamalat

Living in Jordan is not so much different from living in Malaysia.
You still need to communicate with people.

Who is people??
Strangers.
Teachers.
Friends.
Acquaintances.

In Islam;; it's good that you love to do your ibadahs. I mean;; go on;; Malaysia does not in any way have a law against practicing Islam freely.

You want to pray in a group on a field?

No problem.

You want to preach in a stadium?

Please do write a confirmantion letter.

But that doesn't mean that you can not interact with other people. Humans are made to need each other. They are made many so that they can offer help towards each other.

Even more so when you are outside of your comfort zone;; for example when you're a Malaysian student living and studying in Jordan.

It is here that I realized the beauty of ukhuwwah and mahabbah.

I have a friend that is really impossible to deal with. She is the type that we have to take care of all the time.

We always need to ask if she's gonna eat or not. And whenever there's internet she will go to some quiet place with her tab and type away silently;; going AWOL for hours.

Even without her tab she would just be as quiet and went somewhere to read her dictionary. In a way she's fascinating since she have a very strong principle and persevered on reading even though everyone is talking about unimportant things.

But I think she is selfish. She didn't bother to talk about anything that doesn't benefit her. All she talks about was where could she get to rent a house as soon as possible;; where is the cheapest place to shop;; where could she buy her stuff...

She didn't ask me or any of our little group about our family;; how much siblings do we have;; why did we decided to come here.. I don't know her and she doens't want to know me.

Am I being too sensitive?

Doctors and Classes

Assalamualaikum peepers and stalkers :D

I think I'm the only reader here but regardless I'm thankful. That I have an outlet for me to spit out all the ugliness inside me so that it wouldn't spread and make ALL of my insides ugly. That would be disastrous.

I'm a university student now :D

I can't describe the feeling because there's basically nothing to describe

The funny thing is that I went to class the day before yesterday  but the doctors didn't even pretend to care!

Instead of coming in and at least introduce themselves and maybe tell us which book we would use and where to buy them;; they decided that 'hey;; it would be cooler to not go to class altogether. It's not like we care whether or not they have to walk for near half an hour to reach class;; walking in with their sweaty and smelly bodies with backpacks behind their backs and wheezing from lack of oxygen after going up the stairs. And it's not our problem if they want to wait for us for the whole one hour of class. They should be smart enough to walk out after fifteen minutes of waiting. Not wait the whole hour through."

That was Sunday.

Let's see my luck today.

Introduction To Jordan

Assalamualaikum peepers and stalkers :D

I haven't checked whether or not I have yet posted a post when I'm already in Jordan .

So;; here:: my first post in Jordan :D

I arrived here on the 7th of September 2012;; and met my senior that I have met before when I came for a two month stint with a markaz lughah in Amman. Her name is Shima-san.

Right now I got a place in the hostel that is called Sakan Kuning orrrrrr the Yellow Hostel. Buildings in Jordan are about as different as clovers in a field of clovers. They have the same shape;; the same color... and even built with the same material. Usually that is. But my hostel is painted yellow (Yay! I love any sign of cheerfulness);; that trait is so remarkable and 'Wow!' that we Malaysian students called that particular hostel Sakan Kuning.

My life in Jordan has been quite hectic but still organizeable and I actually still have free time to do whatever I want... Even update my now dusty blog HAHAHAHA.

Ohh I love caps lock :P

Because of the monotonous quality of the surroundings of this little country that is very appreciative of their water because of its scarce water source;; Jordanians love to express themselves through their attire. Jordanian women wear very bright colors with layers of makeup that I wonder how in the world did they keep them on?? Don't they melt or something?? And doesn't it feel thick when I;; the onlooker;; look at the fully made up face and thought to myself;; "I hope her skin can breathe in ALL.... that." 

And the same can be said about Jordanian men's attire. I THOUGHT THEY DON'T KNOW ONE DIRECTION?!!! There was this one day I was walking inside the area of the University that is very kind to accept my application letter;; Yarmouk University;; that I saw ALOT of these guys;; that look ALOT older but actually is the same age as me and you and him and her:: just eighteen;; wearing skinny jeans. Okay I saw alot of Malaysian guys wear skinnies;; no biggie.... But colored skinny jeans??? It freaks me out;; yes;; because I was just about to get a surprise heart attack when I thought I saw Harry Styles or Nialler (I can't remember his last name) or Zayn Malik or Liam Payne or.... that other guy in One Direction that I SWEAR DIRECTIONERS I REMEMBERED HIS FACE but sorry I can't remember his name;; but it turns out to be a regular tall Jordanian wearing a plaid pressed shirt with beige skinny jeans. Yeah.

The system here is more manual then electronic... My experience 'dealing' with Jordanians (more like watching seniors dealing with their antics);; is that they are a very proud bunch. They love their country and they reallyyyy appreciate the beauty of the Arabic language. Most Arabics don't speak English well;; and they would almost always assume that we Malaysian students are fluent in their language. Well;; but if I say that all Jordanians are mute and deaf in the English speaking department;; I would be a big fat dark liar. Most workers in the stores are not exactly 'fluent' but we can communicate in English if EXTREMELY needed. I'm not pointing the finger beside my middle one at anybody;; but this is how I see it GENERALLY.

Before this I lived in Amman. Now I'm living in the city of Irbid that is popular with students. Malaysian students alone reached the number of 1000+. This year;; the year 2012;; is the year with the most number of new students. Every year the number of new students only reach around 100. But this year;; this year the number of new students actually reached 500! I already felt that my family of nine is very big... and a little bit chaotic. I can't imagine the load of work that the seniors have to get done to make sure that the new students are settled in.

Okay I think if I get RM1 for every time I use the term 'the number of students' I can buy a bottle of Shokubutsu by now... My English didn't improve AN INCH since after SPM... I really need to revise more often.

I think I just want to talk about what I see here.. I don't really know Jordan and I haven't had the time to get to know  it's people yet.. But I hope my journey here would not be for naught.

Recently my heart had just been given a blow and my mind is in freaking chaos right now. I hate the fact that I let my guard down and I hate that I am still thinking about it. I don't know the reason why I'm still hanging on. Maybe humans love the idea of hope more than the 'thing' itself
.

I really have to be more careful. Today my friends saw me as listless and a little bit moody. I don't want anything to get in the way of my plans for my life.

No freaking way I am gonna mope here until I get emotional and cry in front of my laptop.

Thank you for reading and please pray for my success.

Afterall;; I'm a private student that really need to step up so that I don't further burden my parents by wasting their money more.

Mama's Vision Of The Future

Assalamualaikum peepers and stalkers! :D

I have finally passed my driving test!

  

And I told mama that I want to  take the car around for a drive before I fly tomorrow morning to be exact. But I'm going to the airport tonight since I have to check-in an hour early. So mama;; being the considerate and over-thinking person that she is;; said "Toksoh nak gelenya la kak. Sumuo benda pakat nak buat dalam masa satu hari nanti sumuo tak jadi. Nanti kakak tersampai lambat tertinggal flight macam mana? Nanti..."

  

Yea readers you got the idea right?

  

=_=;

  

Geez mothers.

  

And then she said something funny.

"Akak tak payah la nak bawa kereta hari ni. Kakak tunggu bil kakak balik nanti;; kereta kita dah tukar dah. Pintu buat dekat atas." She excitedly mase big gestures with her arms;; looking like someone drowning crying for help. "Kalau kakak nak masuk kakak kena panjat ikut tangga kat tepi kereta." She gestures at the side;; making 'shyuuuuu' noises to mengta'kidkan her point. 

I was laughing so hard at her randomness.

  

Gosh I would totally miss my family.

Strange Guys

Assalamualaikum peepers and stalkers :((

Okay today I'm in a bad mood sooo early in the morning because a friend of mine had just asked a stupid question about my status.

I had written that I like people with a sense of humor on my status.

He had quoted me and asked what does it means.

Figures;; since his English is hardly A-Levels stuff. But how can he interpret that into 'I like someone that's horny'???

Is he trying to set down his playing field? Is he like trying to test my reaction to his remark? So if I'm okay then he wilk definitely try opening up thr subject again. Does he think I'll not get angry when he explained something like that to me?? It took all of my emotional state to leave in a civilised manner and not curse him and all of his family tree.

I'm sure that counts as sexual harassment right?

I don't want to get involved with these kind of sick people.

On a lighter tone;; today I have FOUR open houses to attend to :D

I'm sooo excited that I get to mingle with my friends before flying to Jordan with Mr GG and Mr QG.

I'll get back to you later :DD

Play Your Own Destiny!

Assalamualaikum peepers and stalkers :D

きやー！ XDDDDDD

I have heard SOOOO much about it..
Have read of it in forums;; it had been mentioned in some of my favorite mangas;; it hade been the main focus in a few articles I read in the newspaper...

So what am I talking about???

JENG JENG JENG!!

ROLE-PLAYING GAMES!!.... that's what they're called.
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.

................ I think...

Neways the concept is the same as those choose your own fates book.

You know those kinds of books that ask you life-altering questions like;;

'Where do you want to go to buy your groceries?

      

A. At Jusco Wangsa Maju

      

B. At Ikea Damansara

     

     

If you choose A;; turn to page 3361.

     

If you choose B;; turn to page 7890.'

Yep same concept. So this is a Love RPG and it's actually very popular in Japan among girls.

Check it out in Play Store if you're interested;; search for 'motemote'.

The Line Separating The Wanted and The Unwanted

Assalamualaikum peepers and stalkers.

Now Imma start my post today with a statement:: I wanted an apple and got a pear.

If you guys are the one that's facing this kind of situation;; how would you feel?

For example you've been freaking fangirling every minute of the day over Big Bang and suddenly got Ze:a's concert tickets.

(And Aty-san that's another Korean boy band.)

Or you've been dreaming about getting a rich European husband but got an indie filmmaker Pan Asian as a husband.

Or you've been talking every second of the day about buying a semi-d lot but got a treehouse.

OR in MY case;; I've been practically praising University Of Jordan to the high heavens and beyond and is not so secretly harboring an obsession over getting into there and living in the city it's in which happened to be the capital of the little Arabic country called Jordan that I've never even heard of before I went there last June but Allah had written my fate to be studying in Yarmouk University which I've been meh-mehing about to anybody who would listen just because there's alot of Malays studying there.

Maybe this is a sign?

A sign that I should just run away from home and find a rich husband that could sponsor my education in Japan.

Gosh I'm just asking for two months to go there to learn a little Japanese. Geez. Geez.

The university offer letter was sent by Pos Laju which have a faulty security system that requires the signature of the acceptee (too lazy to use google translate-deal with my inventor tendency) in order for the postman to drop the package.

I wasn't at home the time mister postman came around to my house. He should totally stick around. I'm sure that if he did;; I'd rip the letter before he even started the engine and he'll get to see a 17 (and 8 months-I value detaility) jumping up and down like a I have springs attached to the soles of my shoes;; all the while trying to read the printed alphabets. It can make his day and be a story of many from his years serving as the bearer of letters and packages;; passed down to his ancestors after him.

I can become a legend.

Neways since it had became like this;; I'll have to go receive the all-important letter of my acceptance to Hogwarts;; the School of Withcraft And Wizardry.

:-|

See my honest face?? You believe me right??

Riiight??

=_=

I can't even convince myself.

Nahh;; just some university in Jordan.

I haven't set eyes yet on the actual letter of acceptance into Yarmouk University in Irbid;; but there's other ways to know which university we're accepted into other than waiting blindly for the letter to arrive at your doorstep (not literally-afterall what's the point of gates??);; which is checking the list of names of students accepted into universities in Jordan in a website.

I checked. I failed to find my name.

I told my friend about my wish.

She checked.

BAM!!!

THERE'S MY FREAKING NAME AND BESIDE IT WRITTEN ;; "Yarmouk University."

So the conclusion is of course I haven't actually seen and touched the letter with mg own eyes but it's like a fact now:: I got into Yarmouk.

Hell;; someone can even include that into the Malaysian Education Syllabus;; the source is that diyakini.

Duh;; double duh and TRIPLE DUHH!!!

...I'm not saying I'm not grateful. Dissappointed is all.

...And I'm not saying that Yarmouk is worse than University Of Jordan. Afterall it's still a place of 'ilmu'. Different is all.

Someone don't say "Suck it up Damia you can't change anything even if you mope around.";; cause I'm freaking sucking it up and HELL YEA I AM NOT MOPING DAMMITT.

... Complaining and being plain pissed off is all.

In The Mood For Lazing Around

Haha ignoring that used vitagen straw so I don't have to be the one to throw it in the trash

I'm Not Lazy;; It's Just It's My Rest Time

Running away from mama whenever I see her just so I wouldn't be asked to do some form of household chores.

Try first;; Judge Then

I used to hate people who seemed betrothed to their phones until I got one.

That is;; until I got mine.

Your Thumbs Need The Exercise

I HATE it when I texted a whole damned essay to someone and she replies with an "Eh?"

People say when you lose sleep over something;;or when you forgot to do something so basic as eating and drinking;;or when keep finding yourself thinking about it in all the time;;that's the symptoms of being in love.
I didn't sleep till 4AM yesterday because of this::

Oh well I love being an otaku.. :D