Ramblings if you may

I don't have time to ask myself things anymore. I'm too busy feeling in the moment, and wondering if I could refeel this feeling over and over again whenever I want to, but I know I don't have the ability since my normal memory is short-span enough as it is. No telling how permanent my sensory memory is.

But sometimes I fall in philosophicality. Sometimes I read things that lead me to think about things and long for things and I curse myself to have feelings about things I should just ignore to sail through life without a hitch because, really, that's all I ask from myself and this short life.

It used to be enough, to stay at home. Listen to my parents. Being compliant and emotionally shut off, and just do everything my parents told me to. I can't remember when I grew out of feeling all of that is enough. When I started thinking up retorts to whatever my old folks said, and I know that's wrong. Made me want to do it more I guess? When I stopped caring enough about my siblings to actually teach them during homework, not give away free answers like feeding leftover bread to fish in the pond. I used to actually care about other things aside from myself.

Hm the internet changed me. It's so stupid how stupid this sounds and desperate I know I should be. I bet if papa read this he will scoff at me and say in a matter-of-fact manner, "Then stop doing it." I know I'm just complicating things, but I am such a boring person that having another layer to my very straightforward personality couldn't hurt, could it?

When I went to Jordan, I was expecting nothing extraordinary. I was expecting a life of studying and being focused on graduating like a boss, even pictured myself with a crown an sceptre in hand. Who am I kidding? What's life without challenges?

I had the best first year of university I could asked for. I learnt to have fun and wander around. I met people. I learnt to be an adult (a very very VERY irresponsible and stupid one).

There's Poccoyo. She's small, that's why I called her that. She's pretty, and doesn't lack in male attention. I just wish as her friend she would stop being a typical female and stop stalking people on facebook, freak out over every little thing, act like she knows her heart when Mr Boxer keeps insisting on being a disgusting gentleman and never leaves her side, and start focusing in freaking class. Of course sharing inside jokes through glances when we're in classes together and ducking down to snicker not so secretly is welcomed, cause hell if I don't love the attention, but her grades just do not look good. But I like that she's completely different from me. Very clean, very caring, very motherly. I like to watch her work because it's amusing. Hahaha I don't know I'm just really fond of the girl and her petite frame and how she always orders people around. I listen to her because, well, she got me wrapped around her finger.

Miss bishoujo is also someone very important in my life. I really like her face. And she's just so adorable. I like the fact that she is a very touchy-feely person, cause I don't keep my hands to myself either. Once I watched a Malay movie with her and I just really enjoyed the company of another audience that is just as vocal as I am. She's a dang good listener, a dang good friend and I would have given her my entire fortune. And she have mean cooking skills so there. No one can't not love her, she's just too freaking adorable.

I can't forget Ron. I called her Ronald Weasley because she's a riot. She's not even that loud really. She's just really, really, REALLY funny. She's hilarious, her brand of sarcastic humor is really endearing. Her realistic approach to everything is kinda adorable. I just can't help being amused at her every movement. I'm gonna die from embarrassment if any one of these people find this post. Mostly she keeps to herself, which is really cool. I like how straightforward she is, because can I say MI COMPADRE? One fact about Ron: She's never afraid to or ashamed to ask for her money back. If you borrow something from her, she will remind you. I just find that side of her highly amusing.

Then there's Robin. She intrigued me for a while. Nah, more like confused me. and I don't like being confused. I hate it when I don't think I know that person, I guess. She was hard to figure out, cause she seemed so vague. Bur the longer I know her, I found out that's just who she is. Our little group is a rowdy bunch, and she's always the one laughing at our jokes. And I really admire how she always get things done. Like, I don't even know she was on that? And the next thing I know, BOOM she's sending documents and meeting people and having to go somewhere to finish something. The fact that she has a cute face and is very tall also adds to the 'please-help-me-or-I'm-gonna-pout' vibe.

There's lotsa people that I love and have came to known when I was in Jordan but that's for now.

Writing this post made me realize how lucky I am to know good people and led me to believe I have been so far lucky.