It was a rare moment for both of us. I found momma in the kitchen without kak Aty around, and I wasn't feeling like running away, so I didn't. Now that I think about it, maybe I just feel like that because I feel uncomfortable.
She asked for help from me, a little bit here and there so I tried to make myself helpful. But when Kak Aty came around from her little nap, she joked bout me being incompetent. She told her about how I plucked those leaves wrong, but she didn't specifically told me how I should pluck them you know?
And I finally came to the conclusion. She had replaced me. Somehow kak Aty had wormed her way into my family and had became the big sister.
Momma order her around in the kitchen more than she did me, as if she didn't trust my judgement. The hell.. As if she's saying, "You can't do what she can." She didn't say it out loud, but she didn't need to.
I guess we found some common ground in that aspect. Try as I might, I just am not the the type to think ahead about every possibilities. To think about every little thing and cater to everyone's needs, and I guess I need to change that and change my attitude since I'm just being a lazy person and let everyone do the work.
I really think I'm a professional at avoiding things, even my own feelings.
If there's trouble, I'm the first one to run away from the scene.
I don't know where to draw my courage from.
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