It's not like I've never thought about it before. Because really, I did, but not with this much intensity, and with half as much longing and mulling over this. I mean, I used to talk bout this to Syuyutsuri a while back, when we were still young and unsure about everything, even our places in this world - not saying we are as sure as ever now -, but I have never really considered the idea to be plausible. Not really.
Once in a while I will get this swooping feeling while talking bout it with Syuyutsuri, and I will grin and she will just grin back like I was taking the piss on her but she was never really sure because I myself never considered it to be a thing.
But I'm sure now.
It is a thing.
I want to travel the world.
Last night, I was washing the dishes. Yes, being very domestic and cat-like making my nest feel like my own and crap, when I thought of traveling. Like, really pondered over the thought. Played it a bit in my head.
It started off on the thought of 'I really enjoy traveling.' And then I thought how lucky those European and American kids are, having open-minded parents and the idea of just wasting time and money for a year doing nothing but just traveling the globe is actually socially acceptable.
Then I thought I would love to do that someday. Like, traveling with my best friends. Humongous backpack on our backs, looking frazzled while looking at a map or other form. Pushing my best friend on the trolley and mucking around at the airport, or stopping a random local at a mall and pretending to be lost. Having to worry bout losing my passport when in fact it's just under the hotel bed, or getting cross over my best friend stealing my shampoo and feeling absolutely sure my toothbrush is being used by another person. Or even getting lost while jungle-trekking, and ended up washing up in a river we accidentally came across.
You know, like living like in an adventure book, feeling everything at once and not doing anything at the same time.
That would be nice.
Mentally I started planning. Maybe, I could take a year off university and go traveling. For the whole year. Like what Jack Harries did. I thought on my third year I could actually do that, not registering for any classes and just basically buy a plane ticket to England and find a dorm or something, and just settle down in another city next month.
Then I thought about money. I was actually planning on keeping this grand plan to myself. Hhaahahahahaa as if that would work. Because, pathetically, my parents still give me pocket money every month. I am in no way a financially independent person, seeing saying I am any type of independent person at all is just as bad a joke as reciting that Caesar salad joke. I'm not putting myself down or anything, but I've lived with myself for 19 years.
Nearly 19 years.
I don't know where my willpower came from back in Form 5 when I need to study for my SPM, but I'm glad it at least appears when I'm in dire need of disciplining myself. But I don't really know how to fend for myself. I really wish I'm the entrepreneur kind, but I'm actually shy and have low self-esteem. So yes, I have alot of sort of business plans, but they're 'sort of' at best. 'Just no' at worst.
So I thought of drawing money, and I went 'ah that's easy, Because there's an atm anywhere in the world.' There's even drive-throughs in America right? And I can always figure out how to use traveling checks. If that don't happen, I'm going to prim myself up and marry a rich man and beg him to pay for my best mates' expenses.
But mama will get texts whenever I draw money. I'm not sure if there will be location information either, but that thought discouraged me a bit.
So delaying my 3rd year in uni is probably not one of my best ideas. Well then, maybe I can stay back in Jordan for one year after I graduate? I can buy a ticket to England there, live in London for a month, find a job as a mail-person or something, or I can apply a working visa by being a maid or something. Anything that works.
I thought to myself, that could actually work. Maybe. I really want to hop cities every month, seeing new places and knowing new people, and maybe make some friends along the way. I wouldn't mind getting in a jet-skiing minor accident, or learning the art of graffiti from a face-covered with hanky stranger, exchanging spray cans or something.
That would be really nice.
So maybe, I'm a little invested in the idea of seeing the world. Maybe I'm all set to make my own money and just taste the air of a different country, a different city, a different environment not just on my tongue, but on every surface of my skin.
I hope I won't be thirty when I finally act upon this.
I'm sick of people trying to save me while they're not saving themselves.
I wanna start being confused over other, much different things.
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