It's just a date

Today I have a date. It's with Adhwa, she arrived from Johor yesterday.

It was supposed to be fantastic. I have always been the 'screw it just do it' kind of person, but yesterday I really had the chance to think about it and how I want it to be.

We haven't met in years. She was supposed to be one of my best mates, definitely one of my longest, but I can't call her as the closest. Regardless I want to make this feel special somehow, something she would remember in the middle of lecture with a fond smile playing on her lips, and that's how I started freaking out all on my own.

It wasn't actually a date per se, well it is in the context there will only be two people spending time together doing fun things and talking about any random thing that would most probably involve her college life and relationship issues that is pretty much messed up right now; but I just feel like I owe her something.

We've known each other since we were in Standard Six together, talking about Daniel Radcliffe speaking in Malay in her dream while all of us are obsessing over Harry Potter. We drifted apart, sure, but I have always known I want to keep her around. Forever, if the universe has nothing against the idea.

I sound like a freaking sap but I've always been a sap and an idealistic dream hunting person that likes to run away from things when it gets to be too much for me, so yeah I know and I accept.

Anyways I am currently trying to justify feeling nervous as hell if I allow myself thinking about the possibility about this evening will just go about awkward and... anything worse.

I'm not rich. My parents are. So I can't really buy her things.

I thought about going with the typical movie routine on a normal date, and I have no qualms over that, but I have to rethink again. There is Zaheer.

My very sweet, very cute, very attached, and very two year old little brother that I have to fit in my schedule somehow. Sure I'm leaving him at home anyway but we're talking about how long here.

I was planning to iftar (Oh yeah it's entering the third week of Ramadhan) with Adhwa and going for a movie after. But what about terawih? What about mama? I mean.. I guess I can bring the little guy with me.. but should I? And there's the little fact that this is supposed to be a date.

But really Adhwa have a baby brother too, I can't remember his age but I know she's bound to be somewhat good with kids. But seriously, I can't just spring this on her! It would not be a date at all, but an episode of Super Nanny or something.

Seriously though, Zaheer is not much of a handful compared with other kids. Sure he's hyperactive, but his cuteness makes me actually want to coddle him and care for him and take care of him and sure it's annoying to my mobility and the range of it sometimes, but I love spending time with the little guy.

But that's just me. I'm his big sister, of course I feel the camaraderie and the power of our family bond. What about Adhwa? Frankly speaking, I don't really like taking care of things. I'm not thorough most of the times, clumsy as in I tripped over nothing, so socially-awkward even Barney the purple dinosaur's creepy-all -the-time-smile would be considered endearing (yeah this doesn't have any correlation or direct relation to the topic of discussion but), I am not a lady that can out down a glass quietly by extending my pinky first to soften the clank - trust me, it still clanked. I tried and had failed - , and I like to be taken care of. Not the other way round, no siree. So I guess Zaheer's complete adorableness complete with the fact that we came from the same exit and those dimples and those squinted eyes and those tiny hands and legs and funny scrabbling and cute ears and cute tufts of hair and cute everything, dammit just done it for me.

Like I'm so done. So gone, I know I tend to spoil people, but this is ridiculous. 

But that's just him. Yes, I can coddle him and baby talk him and play superman and be his personal horse, but that's cause he's my brother. If I hadn't made anything clear, HE IS SPECIAL!!

Capital letters. Exclamation marks. The whole persuasive sentence package deal. See the strength in my words?

So I have no idea if it's like that with Adhwa too. It would make much sense actually. I love him because he's kin. Because I know we will be stuck together forever and we will always need to lean on one another one way or another (One Direction just consumes me I swear).

I worry about other things too. I worry that turning up with balloons and a big sign saying 'Adhwa' would just make her feel awkward, embarrassed and uncomfortable. Some people dislike grand gestures. I love making people squirm, honestly it's like a fetish and it keeps me going, but only if they forgive me after.

I haven't seen her for so long I don't know what's acceptable and what's not. I don't want to unintentionally make her angry, because sometimes I do. I'm laid back but that doesn't mean other people are. Sometimes I laugh at inappropriate things, and pretend to blush because it is socially unacceptable for a girl to laugh at inappropriate things.

I can't even imagine how the conversation would be. It was easy enough on the phone, but seriously. Hearing other people's voice through a device cannot compare to talking face-to-face.

It would be like knowing someone new all over again. (One Direction just keeps worming into my mind don't they?) There would be social boundaries, eager-to-please-but-it's-so-fake-I-wanna-die grins, over the top enthusiastic greetings, the whole noble 'hey I'm normal so can I be your friend? Please say yes please say yes SAY YES' act. I might even pull out her chair for her.

The hell?