I had the worst day today....
I brood for practically the whole time I as in school because I was so sad you know???
This was what happened::
Okay there's this celebration tomorrow;; it's for Teacher's Day
And every form are required to make at least a performance and the time slot was only for max ten minutes.
Then;; us Form 4 students decided to make a video as a tribute of sorts.
Then suddenly the job was given to me;; and I have to do it.
At first I didn't mind;; cause I thought it would be after the school reopen you know???
And then; this Monday I found out that actually;; it's this freaking FRIDAY.
I'm cool;; cause Ayu agreed to do it all of a sudden.
So for two days my family's video camera goes into her possession.
Then.
My dad got pissed.
And I couldn't bring it to school anymore because of a mistake I made.
The thing wasn't even finished yet.
Then.
That's why I'm so moody today.
I felt so sorry for myself.
ohh..
But;; it's all sorted out now.
I'll bring the video camera tomorrow and Ayu will finish it.
Allah fated us meet for a reason.
Showing posts with label frustrating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label frustrating. Show all posts
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Chickening Out
I'm so totally not gonna go to school tomorrow.
SO
TO
TA
LLY
NOT
GO
ING
TO
S
CHOOL
TO
MO
RROW ..!!!!
TT_TT
I think Mscreator is possibly waiting for me in front of the school gate;; an axe in her hand ..! O_O""
Woah~~!! That is scaryy~~!!
Anyway;; that's not even half the reason ..
...
Actually I'm feeling really embarrassed to see her face;; I've made her wait long enough .. Really long actually ..
Nearly for an hour actually ..
That's long like heck;; and I know she's kinda hesitant to forgive me ..
Furthermore;; Xfloze suddenly called and canceled it .. TT_TT
That's just more reason for me not to go to school tomorrow;; I think I couldn't stand the embarassment ..!
SO
TO
TA
LLY
NOT
GO
ING
TO
S
CHOOL
TO
MO
RROW ..!!!!
TT_TT
I think Mscreator is possibly waiting for me in front of the school gate;; an axe in her hand ..! O_O""
Woah~~!! That is scaryy~~!!
Anyway;; that's not even half the reason ..
...
Actually I'm feeling really embarrassed to see her face;; I've made her wait long enough .. Really long actually ..
Nearly for an hour actually ..
That's long like heck;; and I know she's kinda hesitant to forgive me ..
Furthermore;; Xfloze suddenly called and canceled it .. TT_TT
That's just more reason for me not to go to school tomorrow;; I think I couldn't stand the embarassment ..!
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Adobe Tutorials on Head Shots
I'm feeling really desperate right now. I've finally got my drawings into the computer;; looks kinda okay though not great;; and I want to try to color them;; but the process is so d*** painful!
~O~"" Hoah~!
Yeah;; I shouldn't be sighing and should feel thankful at the least;; that I finally got to use Adobe Photoshop at my home using this computer with unlimited time of using it;; but heck;; the BIG question here is HOW to use it???
A question that I would so love to know the answer~~
This is really frustrating;; at Deviantart;; nearly everybody submitted their COLORED works;; not just rough sketches and lines!! And I can see that they got those into the computer via scanner;; that is just enviable! (another reason for me to get angry at everybody)
>////<;; Grr~~!!
Makes me feel really mad and jealous;; why won't someone start teaching me how to use Adobe Photoshop already???! (This is not a threat;; merely a request. I BEG OF YOU!!!) I would really love to learn;; but the problem is I don't know who to ask from;; that kind of thing ...
TT_TT *sob sob*
This is really depressing;; frustrating;; irritating and even heartbreaking~!! Urgh;; someone;; release and a USEFUL Adobe Photoshop Tutorial ALREADY~~
...
Ohh;; woww;; my typing rate is really slow;; and I even managed to make a lot of mistakes that even slows me down more .. O_O"
God;; I'm being pathetic!! Grr~~!!
~O~"" Hoah~!
Yeah;; I shouldn't be sighing and should feel thankful at the least;; that I finally got to use Adobe Photoshop at my home using this computer with unlimited time of using it;; but heck;; the BIG question here is HOW to use it???
A question that I would so love to know the answer~~
This is really frustrating;; at Deviantart;; nearly everybody submitted their COLORED works;; not just rough sketches and lines!! And I can see that they got those into the computer via scanner;; that is just enviable! (another reason for me to get angry at everybody)
>////<;; Grr~~!!
Makes me feel really mad and jealous;; why won't someone start teaching me how to use Adobe Photoshop already???! (This is not a threat;; merely a request. I BEG OF YOU!!!) I would really love to learn;; but the problem is I don't know who to ask from;; that kind of thing ...
TT_TT *sob sob*
This is really depressing;; frustrating;; irritating and even heartbreaking~!! Urgh;; someone;; release and a USEFUL Adobe Photoshop Tutorial ALREADY~~
...
Ohh;; woww;; my typing rate is really slow;; and I even managed to make a lot of mistakes that even slows me down more .. O_O"
God;; I'm being pathetic!! Grr~~!!
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Twisted Relationship
It feels like forever until at last I got to open the computer and my fingers got to touch the bulging buttons that click away when we type on the keyboard. My brother had been sitting in front of the screen since dawn this day; and that annoys me a lot. Because I’m a very arrogant and egoistic sister you see; I like to bully my younger siblings around and don’t like to ask for permission from them. Ahaa ;P. Yes; I know myself more than anyone; and I’m ready to admit the reality that maybe a part of me don’t want to acknowledge.
But that’s not the only reason.
For those who know; I hate this particular sibling more than the rest. He had made a lot of mistakes in the past and I have found the heart to forgive and agree mutually in the past; but I remind all of you I’m not a forgetter. I am more the type that force myself to forgive because of a particular reason that maybe did or maybe did not benefit me.
Maybe the reason was; in the case of my brother; because he’s family and my parents have told and brain-washed me countless of times to stop arguing and fighting and bickering against each other; because family members should stick together through the good and bad times. When I was young I found out I can accept this theory of my mother and father.
But time passes.
I grew up. He grew up.
And growing means changing; whether it is by height, size, body shape, or attitude and yes; also the way of thinking. When I was twelve; he did something so overwhelming; I can’t forget. And I doubt that I’ve learned to forgive that incident.
I remembered looking at him in shock and horror; not knowing what to do. I have wailed then; but my mother took no heed and ignored me instead.
My father was hesitant; at that time I got a feeling that he was trying to change himself; the way he raise his five children and the way he treat his beloved family. He was trying to make this family thing work. Trying to make this family come together and hold on to each other.
I had pelted upstairs; crying in agony and humiliation and shame and confusion and anger and also a mixed of other emotions, and had slammed the door to my bedroom shut, and locked it. I had cried and cried and cried; and wailed and wailed and wailed for how long; I could not remember.
What I remembered though was the unbearable feeling of the pain in my heart. I was angry. I was angry. I realized that I was enraged. But I was confused. I did not know what to do. I hated my brother then.
And I really despise my parents for making the decision to just talk to him about that ghastly incident. They should punish him. I don’t care how; just make sure he learnt his lesson; **** it!
After that he did not did it publicly. But he did do it again and again. Again; again and again and again. Whenever I shouted for the world to know; especially for my mother to know; she thinks I was being a drama queen.
Oh; how I hated my mother then.
I did not have the guts to tell my father though; it was so embarrassing and humiliating and I felt it should only be between my mother and I. But my mother ignored me as usual; and I did not want my father to know. I still did not want my father to know about what happened after; that he did it again.
Yes; my father had made my brother apologize to me. Yes; I did feel a lot better and touched after he said he was sorry; but in truth his actions never did really size up to what his mouth said.
It’s not fair.
I really did not like being home and around my family then. I did not feel comfortable and safe around him; even with my parents around. I hated his presence; and was always glad when he was not around.
Heedless to say; that incident made a big impact in my life.
Through the years we have lived together under one house he did many other mistakes; causing shame to my family.
Don’t blame me for not trying to be a sister. I tried before. At that time I was going through this major change in life we all did while we’re all twelve year-olds; and I was trying to shape myself to becoming a better person. So I said to myself that he’s confused and deranged and to be there for him; as a sister, because maybe he needed one; to tell things to and just keep his head level.
But he just wouldn’t change.
He keep doing stupid things in school and bringing trouble to the family. I did not know how to react; even how to think and feel. I didn’t even bother to pretend that I was disturbed by his actions. I guess at that time I was still little and naïve.
Ahaa ;P
Imagine me naïve!
So; he was also so arrogant and egoistical. I’d like to think I was better than him; but in truth we’re just the same.
It was the holidays; and as I have tuition classes during weekdays, he had the computer all to himself. Today; like usual; he dominated in front of the screen. I want to use it; but as I said before; I didn’t like him. Finally my brother was pried off the computer by my mother; but then that leave another problem; the consent of my parents.
This year; the year 2009; is an important and major year for 15 year-olds here in Malaysia. It marked the PMR examination year for us. This examination may determine where we will go next. For if we do good in PMR; then there’s a high chance of being accepted in to good and acclaimed boarding schools; alas having a planned out and throughout bright future with a promising career through good education.
But what if we flunked this examination??? We wouldn’t drop dead suddenly, of that I’m sure; but maybe we will be doomed by misconception about us being stupid and lazy by all around us; our parents especially.
And lately I was being stupid and lazy.
I am sure my parents would not allow me to sit in front of the screen of this computer; so I waited for my chance.
While daydreaming I fell into a dreamless sleep; and was woken up by my mother whom sarcastically remarks about me not studying. I wasn’t in the mood to smile and laughed away goofily; so I just pretended to do not hear and ask her why she woke me up. It turns out the reason was to remind me to do the Asar Prayer. She also said to me that she was going to the bazaar Ramadhan for buka puasa.
So I got up; already feeling better for I was thinking at last; this is my chance! Then; hoping that he was still sleeping; I went into my parents’ bedroom. My heart leapt to my throat in panic. He was awake; and was watching television.
I took the sejadah and the telekung also and went to my room; and start the prayer. I had took the wudhu’ before then. Wudhu’ is something we Muslims need to do before doing any type of prayer; and also before touching the Quran. But Quran with translations could be touched even without the wudhu’.
After finishing the prayer; I stepped out; readying myself to see my brother sitting on the black swiveling chair in front of the computer. But I was quite taken aback when I found out; seconds later, that he was still in my parents’ room when I entered to place the sejadah and telekung back in the drawer.
But I was glad nevertheless; and that is how I got to use the computer today. The end.
But that’s not the only reason.
For those who know; I hate this particular sibling more than the rest. He had made a lot of mistakes in the past and I have found the heart to forgive and agree mutually in the past; but I remind all of you I’m not a forgetter. I am more the type that force myself to forgive because of a particular reason that maybe did or maybe did not benefit me.
Maybe the reason was; in the case of my brother; because he’s family and my parents have told and brain-washed me countless of times to stop arguing and fighting and bickering against each other; because family members should stick together through the good and bad times. When I was young I found out I can accept this theory of my mother and father.
But time passes.
I grew up. He grew up.
And growing means changing; whether it is by height, size, body shape, or attitude and yes; also the way of thinking. When I was twelve; he did something so overwhelming; I can’t forget. And I doubt that I’ve learned to forgive that incident.
I remembered looking at him in shock and horror; not knowing what to do. I have wailed then; but my mother took no heed and ignored me instead.
My father was hesitant; at that time I got a feeling that he was trying to change himself; the way he raise his five children and the way he treat his beloved family. He was trying to make this family thing work. Trying to make this family come together and hold on to each other.
I had pelted upstairs; crying in agony and humiliation and shame and confusion and anger and also a mixed of other emotions, and had slammed the door to my bedroom shut, and locked it. I had cried and cried and cried; and wailed and wailed and wailed for how long; I could not remember.
What I remembered though was the unbearable feeling of the pain in my heart. I was angry. I was angry. I realized that I was enraged. But I was confused. I did not know what to do. I hated my brother then.
And I really despise my parents for making the decision to just talk to him about that ghastly incident. They should punish him. I don’t care how; just make sure he learnt his lesson; **** it!
After that he did not did it publicly. But he did do it again and again. Again; again and again and again. Whenever I shouted for the world to know; especially for my mother to know; she thinks I was being a drama queen.
Oh; how I hated my mother then.
I did not have the guts to tell my father though; it was so embarrassing and humiliating and I felt it should only be between my mother and I. But my mother ignored me as usual; and I did not want my father to know. I still did not want my father to know about what happened after; that he did it again.
Yes; my father had made my brother apologize to me. Yes; I did feel a lot better and touched after he said he was sorry; but in truth his actions never did really size up to what his mouth said.
It’s not fair.
I really did not like being home and around my family then. I did not feel comfortable and safe around him; even with my parents around. I hated his presence; and was always glad when he was not around.
Heedless to say; that incident made a big impact in my life.
Through the years we have lived together under one house he did many other mistakes; causing shame to my family.
Don’t blame me for not trying to be a sister. I tried before. At that time I was going through this major change in life we all did while we’re all twelve year-olds; and I was trying to shape myself to becoming a better person. So I said to myself that he’s confused and deranged and to be there for him; as a sister, because maybe he needed one; to tell things to and just keep his head level.
But he just wouldn’t change.
He keep doing stupid things in school and bringing trouble to the family. I did not know how to react; even how to think and feel. I didn’t even bother to pretend that I was disturbed by his actions. I guess at that time I was still little and naïve.
Ahaa ;P
Imagine me naïve!
So; he was also so arrogant and egoistical. I’d like to think I was better than him; but in truth we’re just the same.
It was the holidays; and as I have tuition classes during weekdays, he had the computer all to himself. Today; like usual; he dominated in front of the screen. I want to use it; but as I said before; I didn’t like him. Finally my brother was pried off the computer by my mother; but then that leave another problem; the consent of my parents.
This year; the year 2009; is an important and major year for 15 year-olds here in Malaysia. It marked the PMR examination year for us. This examination may determine where we will go next. For if we do good in PMR; then there’s a high chance of being accepted in to good and acclaimed boarding schools; alas having a planned out and throughout bright future with a promising career through good education.
But what if we flunked this examination??? We wouldn’t drop dead suddenly, of that I’m sure; but maybe we will be doomed by misconception about us being stupid and lazy by all around us; our parents especially.
And lately I was being stupid and lazy.
I am sure my parents would not allow me to sit in front of the screen of this computer; so I waited for my chance.
While daydreaming I fell into a dreamless sleep; and was woken up by my mother whom sarcastically remarks about me not studying. I wasn’t in the mood to smile and laughed away goofily; so I just pretended to do not hear and ask her why she woke me up. It turns out the reason was to remind me to do the Asar Prayer. She also said to me that she was going to the bazaar Ramadhan for buka puasa.
So I got up; already feeling better for I was thinking at last; this is my chance! Then; hoping that he was still sleeping; I went into my parents’ bedroom. My heart leapt to my throat in panic. He was awake; and was watching television.
I took the sejadah and the telekung also and went to my room; and start the prayer. I had took the wudhu’ before then. Wudhu’ is something we Muslims need to do before doing any type of prayer; and also before touching the Quran. But Quran with translations could be touched even without the wudhu’.
After finishing the prayer; I stepped out; readying myself to see my brother sitting on the black swiveling chair in front of the computer. But I was quite taken aback when I found out; seconds later, that he was still in my parents’ room when I entered to place the sejadah and telekung back in the drawer.
But I was glad nevertheless; and that is how I got to use the computer today. The end.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Is Xerox no more???
I was just wondering ...
I mean; what happened to us??
What made us change until we become like this???
I mean; we're not as close as we were ...
Xerox seems all wrecked up!
I wonder if we will survive this storm ...
I admit; I miss you~!!
We didn't really talk anymore.
Maybe it's just me; but I feel like we're drifting farther away from each other every single day!
I felt sad ...!
I mean; we've been good friends for nearly three years now!
Maybe sometimes our opinions differ; but you guys rock my world!
As much as I sometimes hate to admit. Yess *sigh*. You guys are not the only ones who found myself very egoistical. I think am an egoist too~!
But sometimes you're just so annoying! So irritating!
Ahaa ;P
I figured out you guys sometimes felt like that to me too.
Sometimes we are like strangers; enemies even.
But I always know our relationship will not really suffer.
But now I'm not so sure anymore.
You guys are just so cool ...
Too cool to be with me anyway
Ahaa ;P
Bitter; bitter me.
I guess sometimes I got carried away or something.
I know I am an emotional person. Yess; no lie!
I appreciate all you guys have done to me.
Sometimes you hurt me; I'll hurt you back.
Sometimes I scarred you; you scarred me back.
But always we loved each other.
The three of us always come back together after a fight.
We'll always stick for each other right???
I hope so ...
Because I think I'm still in love with you guys.
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